Happy Adopt-An-Actor Day!

My attention has been diverted a little lately, but not enough to ignore the new holiday I created.

For those who have already adopted an actor, please dedicate a post today to them. It can be a videoclip, description of a favorite performance, maybe just a picture. It’s up to you to decide.

And for you thespian empty-nesters out there, please consider adopting an actor. All that is required is announcing your intent to adopt on your blog, and letting me know about it. You may want to check the adoption roster to make sure your actor has not already been adopted.

Who is my adopted actor, you ask?

Why it’s none other than the wonderful David Patrick Kelly.

I’ll use my Adopt-An-Actor Day post to run down his career in films and television.

When I started the Adopt-An-Actor program, I said that I didn’t expect an adoptive parent to see every single thing their adoptee had been in. You’ll see that I haven’t seen a lot of DPK’s work, but my support and affection for him is nevertheless genuine and unwavering.

The Warriors (1979)
Ooh, mama. What an awesome performance. He was the best part of the movie, by far.

Sanctuary of Fear (1979) (TV) (uncredited)
Didn’t see it.

American Playhouse – Working (1982) (TV)
Didn’t see it. Apparently, a musical adaptation of the Studs Terkel book. Sounds interesting.

Hammett (1982)
Didn’t see it.

48 Hrs. (1982)
He was great as Luther. He was so angry and abusive towards Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte, but then in his final scenes you see he’s very distraught about his girlfriend being taken hostage. He didn’t have a lot of screentime, but he came across with a strong character.

Dreamscape (1984)
I haven’t seen this movie in a long time. My guess is that it hasn’t aged well, but I loved it when it was playing non-stop on pay TV. DPK was scary and cool. He had some creaky dialogue that he had to deliver, but in his hands it sounded good. He had a nice moment giving a little monologue on a dream subway, swinging nunchucks, ending with “In this world, Alex, you’re nothing. And me, I’m God.” Just as in 48 Hours, what starts as an aggressive, unsympathetic character becomes a little tragic near the end.

Tales from the Darkside (1984) (TV)
I saw at least part of this, though my memory of it has faded. DPK is the star of the episode, and I think he plays a man who slowly loses his identity, and winks out of existence at the end. I guess it’s appropriate I can’t remember it.

Miami Vice (1985) (TV)
Didn’t watch this show.

Commando (1985)
Oh, Sully. Yet another great performance. There was really no redeeming traits in this character. It’s hard to be poignant when you’re hanging upside-down, held by the pantleg by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Moonlighting (1985) (TV)
I sort of remember seeing this. I believe that the episode DPK was in sort-of went crazy at the end, where they sort of broke down the fourth wall and we saw Moonlighting behind-the-scenes, or some such thing. I recall DPK being the heavy, and Whoopi Goldberg was in it too. I think the final shot of DPK and Whoopi had them smiling as they were walking out, then it abruptly changed to a scowl. Why am I bothering you with this? Sorry.

Our Family Honor (1985) (TV)
Didn’t see it.

The Misfit Brigade (1987)
Didn’t see it.

Spenser: For Hire (1987) (TV)
Never watched this show.

ABC Afterschool Specials – Date Rape (1988) (TV)
Didn’t see it. Yikes.

Cheap Shots (1989)
Nope, didn’t see.

CBS Summer Playhouse – B Men (1989) (TV)

Penn & Teller Get Killed (1989)
This was a really weird movie. It was sort of a narrative, but they kept on yanking you out of the story. It was kind of sloppy, intentionally so, I think. I had thought there was some commentary on DPK’s role in The Crow. At the time I had seen this, I thought Brandon Lee had died by a blank fired by DPK’s gun, which I learned later to not be the case.

Wild at Heart (1990)
I saw this, but I can’t remember him in it. All I can see in my head is the grinning menace of Willem Dafoe’s Bobby Peru.

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)
Andrew Dice Clay kept me away.

Twin Peaks (1990-1991) (TV)
I saw a couple episodes, but I don’t think DPK was on it yet. I don’t remember him from it, at any rate.

A Marriage: Georgia O’Keeffe and Alfred Stieglitz (1991) (TV)
Didn’t see.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992) (scenes deleted)
Didn’t see.

Malcolm X (1992)
I saw it, but I don’t remember DPK from it.

Exterior Night (1993)

Ghostwriter (1992-1993) (TV)

The Crow (1994)
I saw it, but don’t remember it very well. I don’t recall DPK having an awful lot of screentime. I was bummed out about the Brandon Lee accident.

Crooklyn (1994)
I didn’t like this movie too much. There was a stylistic thing Spike Lee did in the middle of the movie that didn’t really work for me, and it was kind of obnoxious. I remember DPK from it, one particular shot of him playing an organ and wearing very thick glasses.

Cafe Society (1995)
Didn’t see it.

Heavy (1995)
Didn’t see it.

Flirting with Disaster (1996)
He was one of the best parts of this movie. I was very happy to see him in a movie again.

The Funeral (1996)
An Abel Ferrara movie I haven’t seen. I have heard it’s good, just haven’t seen it.

Last Man Standing (1996)
Another Walter Hill movie for DPK! (The Warriors and 48 Hrs. were the previous two). Didn’t see this, mostly because I was sick of Bruce Willis.

Trojan War (1997)

Twelfth Night, or What You Will (1998) (TV)
Didn’t see.

Mad About You (1998) (TV)
Saw this a few times, but didn’t see his episode.

In Too Deep (1999)
Didn’t see.

Songcatcher (2000)
Didn’t see.

K-PAX (2001)
Kevin Spacey kept me away from this one.

Personal Velocity: Three Portraits (2002)
Didn’t see.

Hack (2002) (TV)
Didn’t see.

Justice (2003)
Didn’t see.

Third Watch (2005) (TV)
Never watched this.

The Longest Yard (2005)
Didn’t see it. Adam Sandler kept me away.

Flags of Our Fathers (2006)
I like a lot of Clint Eastwood films, I just didn’t see this one. DPK plays Harry S. Truman.

Babylon Fields (2007) (TV)
Didn’t see.

Kidnapped (2007) (TV)
Didn’t see.

Gardener of Eden (2007)
Didn’t see.

Law & Order (2008) (TV)
Didn’t see.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2008)
I actually was flipping channels and caught some of this. It made me smile.

Happy Whatever Splotchy Says Day: Your Third And Final Assignment


Are we already at the last assignment? Yes? Wow, my inflated sense of power and self-worth are already diminishing. Before these feelings completely leave my body, I will leave the following tasks for you. These are not required to be completed by today, but if it could happen over the next couple weeks, it would be appreciated.



Dr. Zaius, you will use your mad photoshopping skills to make me a “Call Me Splotchy” version of the pulp paperback copy you created (based on the Sleestak original). After it has been completed I will gladly contribute my own pulp story.

Bubs, you will have your picture taken in Vegas in your Elvis getup, either in a karate pose, or giving a karate kick.

Cowboy The Cat, you will find a public place in Carbondale on which you write “Splotchy Is Nifty”. It doesn’t have to be big, visible to the casual observer, and it doesn’t have to be there forever, etc. Extra points if you take a pic of it.

Tim, you will lend me your copy of Sonic Youth’s Rather Ripped.

SamuraiFrog, you will write a limerick that rhymes Carla Gugino and neutrino. An acceptable alternative to this is simply posting pictures of Carla Gugino and neutrinos (in the same post, obviously).

To the NYC bloggers meeting tonight (including FranIAm and Distributorcap): at some point during the festivities you will toast me, Splotchy!

The Idea Of Progress – you will dedicate next year’s The Idea Of Progress Day to me, Splotchy.

Tenacious S – you will add me to your blogroll! I was there before, and I will be there again!

Grant Miller – For one day, you will change your avatar to a picture of you in a Hawaiian shirt.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein – You will let me hold the Crunky.

Jin – you’re wearing my doodle. What more could I ask for?

Anandamide – You will wrap up your contest. The suspense is killing me!

The Drunken Severed Head – Three letters – DPK.

Jess – You’ll make one more taint post, for old time’s sake.

Dguzman – You will dedicate a small piece of the sidebar on your blog, where you will keep a picture of a fluffy cloud. This will potentially keep the winter blahs away for both you and your readers (well, me definitely).

To those not specifically given a task to complete, please add a comment to this post to indicate the largest mammal you believe Splotchy could physically subdue, using only his bare hands. People who have been given tasks are also welcome to comment on this as well.

Thanks to everyone who made this nonexistent holiday existent!

Happy Whatever Splotchy Says Day: Your Second Assignment

Hi everyone! Thanks to everyone who completed the first assignment. To those who have not yet done so, you have the rest of the day to complete it. In case you’re wondering, yes, I am able to touch my nose with my tongue.

Anyway, now onto our next assignment. The second assignment is a little more involved than the first.


Write a post on your blog that is completely ROT-13 encoded. The post can be about anything, but it must be fully ROT13-encoded (excluding any links or images — a ROT13’ed link/image won’t display or function properly).

I would recommend that you type up the post in regular text (on a text editor, in Blogger, wherever), and then take the entire text when you are done writing the post, and convert it. You can use the ROT13 encoder on my right sidebar, or if you want more room, you can do the same thing here.

Do not link to me in the post you create. If someone is confused by your post, simply reply in a comment “Splotchy told me to.”

When you create your special post in honor of Whatever Splotchy Says Day on your blog, please leave a comment here so I can know to check it out.

Also, please check back later for your third and final assignment.

Trg tbvat!

Happy Whatever Splotchy Says Day: Your First Assignment

Hello everyone! Here we are, at the end of November. And with the end of November, we come to the last of my November holidays.

Hopefully this holiday will be a joyous one for all who celebrate it. Here is your first assignment.


Attempt to touch your nose with your tongue. You may not use your hands, or any tongue-extending contraption to assist you.

Add a comment to this post indicating whether you are able or unable to touch your nose with your tongue.

Please return to this blog later for further instructions.



The Penultimate Splotchy-Created November Holiday

It’s another Friday in November, which means it must be time for another Splotchy-created holiday, as defined in a previous post.

Are we that close to the end of November? Yes!

Is this post just an excuse for me to use the word “penultimate”? Yes!

Is this a holiday I plan on observing? Probably not.

In any case, Happy Purchase Preprocessed Turkey Products Day!

Next and final November holiday: Whatever Splotchy Says Day (consider this your final warning)