It’s The End Of The World Meme As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

A new, sobering meme created by JDC.

I was tagged by Jin.

The question is:
“You wake up tomorrow and every person on the planet has vanished.
What do you do?”
The replies are:
Day One
Week One
Month One
Year One

Day One:
HOLY SHIT.
Have some lunch.
HOLY SHIT.
Ride around a bit.
HOLY SHIT.
Dinner.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
Try to sleep.

Week One:
I’d probably already be stocking up on supplies. How long would there be electricity? Without people running things, how long would things keep running? I would be thinking about these things, assuming things were still running.

I’d take daily trips (probably multiple trips) in search of others. My mood would alternate between panic and a deep dark depression, I imagine.

Month One:
I start to realize think there is no one else but me. Still taking trips, scanning TV/radio. At this point I would have scrounged up a HAM radio and tried that, too.

I would be completely stocked with food (mostly canned goods) from plundering various grocery stores. I would be contemplating growing my own food as well, but might not have started yet.

Would there be animals? I’d probably like to have some kind of dog so there would be someone I could talk to. It’s likely all the animals in the pet stores I would visit would be dead (maybe not).

Year One:
I have a garden where I grow vegetables. I have lots of food and water. I watch movies, I read books. If I have a dog, I play outside a lot with it. I still check for signs of human life from time to time, but my heart’s not in it.

I exercise a lot. I get firearms and practice shooting. I try to enjoy my life. I watch sunsets.

I tag SamuraiFrog.

Eye Meme

UPDATE:

Yet more eyes this morning, so I thought I’d bump this post to the top.

Hi, a meme for you.

RULES:

1. Post a picture of your eyes.
2. Tag a few people.

I tag:

Bubs
SamuraiFrog
Randal Graves
Coaster Punchman
Jin
Tim
Barbara
Dale
Gifted Typist
DGuzman

(and anyone who wants to play along)

Tim

Jin

DGuzman

Randal Graves

Bubs

Freida Bee

Dr. Zaius

Barbara

TF

Dean Wormer

SamuraiFrog (a twofer!)

Becca

Tommy Salami

John

Strawberry Girl

Star

Michelle

Natalie

Blueberry

FAIL Meme FAIL

I think I saw the first FAIL pictures very soon after they started popping up on the web (a year ago? a year and a half?).

I thought the first ones I saw were sort of funny, but then these kinds of pictures started appearing everywhere.

Next, a few sites sprung up, devoted to all things FAIL.

I really started disliking the whole business, because:

1) Most of the time, it wasn’t funny.
2) It was often mean-spirited.
3) I’m tired of people lazily shitting on other people/things for a cheap laugh.
4) I’m tired of people lazily shitting on other people/things in general.

It’s okay to make light of others on occasion, etc. (hey, it must be okay if *I* do it!), but for something to have sneering at anything and everything else as its sole purpose — well, it’s just too much for me to take.

For this, FAIL meme, you fail.

The Impossible Truth Behind Snake Plissken’s Eyepatch

Ladies and Gentlemen! Children and Literate Animals!

Today, I draw your attention to a disease not often discussed – COMPULSIVE WINKING SYNDROME (CWS).

CWS afflicts tens of Americans every year. It is a silent killer, or at the very least, a silent annoyance.

Did you know that CWS caused the tragic suicide of Superman George Reeves?

Look it up!

How many times has CWS resulted in a dangerous misunderstanding?

Ask former President George W. Bush!

But now there is help.

Man’s man Snake Plissken suffered just as the tens of you out there have suffered, until his years of sneering, tough comic book dialogue and intense studies resulted in the invention of the Snake Plissken Wink Concealer ™!

The Snake Plissken Wink Concealer ™!

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

P.S. Thanks to Piper for this delightful meme, and to SamuraiFrog for tagging me.

Six More Random Things

1. Link to the person who tagged you. here
2. Post the rules on your blog. Okay
3. Write six random things about yourself. Okay
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them. Nah
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog. Nah
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up. Okay

Okay, I’ll try and come up with some factoids, hopefully which I haven’t repeated before.

1. I don’t follow sports, but I love going to Wrigley Field. A friend of mine has season tickets, and I’ll occasionally tag along with him. I’ll pester him incessantly with questions about the various players. As far as I can tell can tell, he doesn’t seem to mind answering them. And now I know how to pronounce Fukudome!

2. As a kid, I did follow sports. I collected football and baseball cards, too. I have a pretty good memory when it comes to trivial stuff, so among other useless information I have no need of retaining, I can tell you that my first football card was for Bob Griese, quarterback for the Miami Dolphins.

3. There’s really no reason I haven’t finished my short film Streaking for the Shy other than Grade-A Laziness. I’m a procrastinator. I’ll get it done, I’ll get it done.

4. I don’t put a lot of effort in my appearance, yet I am also pretty vain about it. What can I say? I am an enigma.

5. I like to keep my real identity separate from my “Splotchy” identity. I don’t try that hard, but I kind of like being represented on the Internet by a sort-of odd word I like.

6. I’m left-handed, motherfuckers!

Blogger Album Project

Ow, tagged!

(Amended) Rules and Regulations:
1. Post your list of the seven best albums, the blogger you will tag, a copy of these rules, and a link back to this page.
2. The person tagged will put a URL to their Blogger Album Project post along with a list of the seven best albums in the comment section here.
3. Feel free to post the “I Contributed to the Blogger Album Project” Award Graphic on your sidebar, along with a link back to this page (where you can see the original rules).
4. Post a link back to the blogger who tagged you.
5. Sorry, no Manilow.

1. The Feelies, The Good Earth

2. James Brown, In The Jungle Groove

3. Wire, Pink Flag

4. Bo Diddley, Bo Diddley

5. Curtis Mayfield, Curtis

6. Frank Black, Teenager of the Year

7. The Method Actors, Little Figures

I tag Matty Boy!

Quick Meme GO!

I have been tagged by Becca for a quick meme, so 3… 2… 1… GO

1. Five names you go by:

a. Michael
b. Mike
c. Splotchy
d. Jawa (on a message board)
e. Michael Benjamin (only a couple that is friends with my parents call me this)

2. Three things you are wearing right now:

a. Sexy blue jeans (it’s business casual Friday!)
b. Sexy red boxer briefs
c. A sexy Casio watch

3. Two things you want very badly at the moment:

a. To finish my movie
b. To play in a rock ‘n roll band

4. Three people who will probably fill this out:

As Becca did, I’ll tag a few people and see what shakes loose.

5. Two things you did last night:

a. Ate some cheesecake.
b. Watched some select scenes from The Dark Knight (again!)

6. Two things you ate today:

a. Mini-bagel w/ cream cheese
b. I will probably eat the PBJ I made for lunch.

7. Two people you last talked to on the phone:

a. MizSplotchy
b. A guy at work whose application was hogging all the CPU resources on my test box. Yes, I am calling him a CPU hog.

8. Two things you are going to do tomorrow:

a. Clean
b. Go to Thanksgiving at the Compound!

9. Two longest car rides:

a. Chicago to New Orleans
b. Springfield, IL to Florida

10. Two of your favorite beverages:

a. Ice water
b. Grape juice and water over ice

Okay, I tag:
Jin
GKL
Flannery A

Alphabet Meme, Won’t You Come Out Tonight

Tagged by SamuraiFrog with a meme originated at Blog Cabins.

Here are the rules:

1. Pick one film to represent each letter of the alphabet.

2. The letter “A” and the word “The” do not count as the beginning of a film’s title, unless the film is simply titled A or The, and I don’t know of any films with those titles.

3. Return of the Jedi belongs under “R,” not “S” as in Star Wars Episode IV: Return of the Jedi. This rule applies to all films in the original Star Wars trilogy; all that followed start with “S.” Similarly, Raiders of the Lost Ark belongs under “R,” not “I” as in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. Conversely, all films in the LOTR series belong under “L” and all films in the Chronicles of Narnia series belong under “C,” as that’s what those filmmakers called their films from the start. In other words, movies are stuck with the titles their owners gave them at the time of their theatrical release. Use your better judgement to apply the above rule to any series/films not mentioned.

4. Films that start with a number are filed under the first letter of their number’s word. 12 Monkeys would be filed under “T.”

5. Link back to Blog Cabins in your post so that I can eventually type “alphabet meme” into Google and come up #1, then make a post where I declare that I am the King of Google.

6. If you’re selected, you have to then select 5 more people.

Just as SamuraiFrog did, I am listing the first movies that popped in my head for each letter.

Alien
I haven’t seen this in a while. I like it, but I feel like I have been a little overexposed to it.

Barton Fink
I used to like this a lot. Now, it seems a little too smug and self-satisfied for its own good. In a list more positive to the Coen Bros., I would have picked The Big Lebowski (which I unreservedly love). However, Barton Fink popped in my head first.

Coffy
I had just included a clip from this delightful Pam Grier vehicle in a recent post, so the movie (and Ms. Grier) were still apparently fresh in my brain.

Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid
I first thought, “Dead”, and then the first title that came up was this one. I haven’t seen it in ages, but I remember it being pretty funny, with some nice silly moments.

East of Eden
A James Dean movie I have not seen.

Firestarter
A Drew Barrymore movie I haven’t seen. Probably stinky, I’m guessing.

Gremlins
I haven’t seen this movie in a long time, but I think I would still really enjoy it. It was funny, scary, sappy, all good.

House of Sand and Fog
Never seen it. I just like the title.

Ikiru
An Akira Kurosawa movie I have not seen.

Jeremiah Johnson
A Robert Altman Sydney Pollack movie I have not seen.

King of New York
An enjoyable (if somewhat goofy and silly) drama by Abel Ferrara about Christopher Walken as some druglord staking out his turf in New York. VERY goofy, but it’s fun. A lot of actors were in this movie before they got their big breaks — Laurence Fishburne, Wesley Snipes, David Caruso. Oh, and if you don’t like David Caruso, you should probably see this movie. You won’t be disappointed.

Lolita
The Kubrick one, not the one by the guy who did Fatal Attraction.

My Bloody Valentine
The movie that the band took its name from. Haven’t seen it.

Network
I’ve seen parts of it. Meh.

One, Two, Three
My favorite Billy Wilder movie. Amazing.

Phantasm
Haven’t seen this in AGES. Saw this when I was very young. It scared the holy shit out of me.

Quatermass and the Pit
I saw the earlier film The Quatermass Xperiment which I thought was great. I haven’t seen this one, but reading the synopsis it looks like it would be great as well.

Rope
Nice little tight Hitchcock thriller.

Superman
Enjoyable movie that has an inexplicable thirty-minute beginning credit sequence.

They Live
Not the best movie John Carpenter made, but it’s still pretty good. If it only could have been better…

Ugetsu
One of the few Kenji Mizoguchi movies I have seen. It was great — I need to see more stuff by him.

Victory
Yes, the Stallone soccer movie. Move on, nothing to see here.

Who’s That Knocking On My Door?
Scorsese’s first feature. It’s a lot of fun.

X-Men
I liked it.

Yellowbeard
Never saw it. Last film of Marty Feldman.

Zardoz
Some of this movie is enjoyable, but most of it is interminable. From the mind of John Boorman!

I’m not tagging anyone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it.

Keyboard Mashing Meme Challenge

Hey, it’s been like, a while since I tried corralling anyone into doing a stupid meme. So here goes.

The Rules
1. Post the rules
2. Close your eyes
3. Count to five seconds
4. Type a whole bunch of random crap on the keyboard while you’re counting
5. Open your eyes
6. Tag a few people

Okay. Ready?

owiejrpwojief aw;gjt aw;
tjawptiuwoaitum wpa9yt9p4y838at[ ja’kltklasj; kjawgt oigaoigjar a
gaw[
gaw’\awy
ay]wypy[apuaoi[a owtajwtjawl;tjaw twjt;lwaejk

I tag:

Tim
SamuraiFrog
Bubs
Freida Bee
DGuzman
Dr MVM
GKL
Cowboy the Cat
Lulu
Manx

HELP THE WORLD BE A SILLIER PLACE

Splotchy Film Festival

SamuraiFrog tagged me last week with this nice little meme, and now I finally have the time to complete it.

I get to pick 12 movies to program into 6 nights at a theoretical film festival.

First, the rules:

1) Choose 12 Films to be featured. They could be random selections or part of a greater theme. Whatever you want.

2) Explain why you chose the films.

3) Link back to Lazy Eye Theatre so I can have hundreds of links and I can take those links and spread them all out on the bed and then roll around in them.

4) The people selected then have to turn around and select 5 more people.

Okay, here goes!

FIRST NIGHT

A Little Princess (1995)
Time Bandits (1981)
We ease into the first night with films dealing with childhood and the imagination. These are two topics that have always been important to me.

A Little Princess is a wonderful children’s film filled with empathy and magic, directed by the great Alfonso Cuarón.

Time Bandits is a children’s movie aimed at adults. It captures the wonder, the fear, the disappointment, the confusion, everything about being a child. It’s my favorite Terry Gilliam movie.

SECOND NIGHT

Sonatine (1995)
Dazed and Confused (1993)
The movies of the second night have a thread of uncertainty and aimlessness. The characters are a little adrift, but not necessarily in a despairing way.

Takeshi Kitano’s Sonatine pretends to be a violent gangster movie, but morphs into something odd and compelling as its characters are yanked out of their world.

Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused pretends to be a stoner comedy, but explores the casual cruelty of adolescence.

Both of these movies are complicated, deeper and richer than the genres in which they are categorized.

THIRD NIGHT

In A Lonely Place (1950)
Ali: Fear Eats The Soul (1974)
In the third night, we deal with relationships, and the difficulty of maintaining them. It’s all about the problem of making and keeping connections.

Nicholas Ray’s In A Lonely Place features what I feel to be Humphrey Bogart’s best performance. There is a romance that figures prominently between Bogart and Gloria Grahame, but I think the relationship between Bogart and his agent is even more deeply moving.

Rainer Werner Fassbinder’s Ali: Fear Eats The Soul is an extraordinarily empathetic look at what first appears to be an unusual relationship, and the strains and cracks that appear in it over time. It’s filled with truth, sadness and hope.

FOURTH NIGHT

Shadow of a Doubt (1943)
Touch of Evil (1958)
The fourth night is the darkest of the Splotchy Film Festival. We explore the decay of the human spirit.

There aren’t many darker movies than Alfred Hitchock’s Shadow of a Doubt. That’s all I’ll say about it. See it for yourself.

If you haven’t seen Orson Welles’ Touch of Evil, please do so. Mike Vargas might be the hero of this movie, but it’s Hank Quinlan that we feel for.

FIFTH NIGHT

Escape From Alcatraz (1979)
Touch of Evil (1956)
Can we let a little hope into the festival? First we saw the decay of the human spirit, now we see its strength — strength under oppression, monotony, repetition, indifference.

Don Siegel’s Escape From Alcatraz is an incredibly watchable, suspenseful movie, filled with memorable characters. And hey, the prison warden is played by The Prisoner Patrick McGoohan himself. How crazy is that?

Robert Bresson’s A Man Escaped is one of those movies that somehow communicates in the medium of film better than 99% of other movies. It’s utterly engrossing, moving and hypnotizing.

SIXTH NIGHT

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
Playtime (1967)
We end the festival optimistically. The films on the sixth night are filled with hope and a childish wonder.

Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey sees a future for humanity, beyond violence and ignorance.

Jacques Tati looks for humanity, but instead of seeking it in the future, or in outer space, he finds it in the environment around us.

***

So, there it is. I’m not tagging anyone else, but I’d happily read about the programming of any of your own theoretical film festivals.