the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN
You slowly, carefully open the door.
“Hi,” Officer Bubs says. “You phoned about a disturbance?” His white clown face glows eerily in the moonlight. Abruptly, his face falls into shadow as the moon drifts behind a cloud.
“Y-y-yes,” you reply.
“I took Little Miss Crazy out with some rubber bullets to the forehead.”
You can barely make out a figure laying on the ground in the darkness. From what you can see, Crazy Lady is put together like a 1950’s dame – hairspray and cone-shaped boobs.
Bubs shrugs. “She’ll be okay, I think.” He pulls his gun out of his holster, positioning it so the metal glints in the light spilling from your house. “Suh-weet, huh?! Ka-POW! KA-POW!”
“That’s a beaut,” you manage. You can’t help staring at his wide, red grin.
“Oh, my face. Yeah. I was coming from our policeman’s carnival — it’s a tradition. The clown makeup was my idea. Y’know, festive. The kids seem to like it.”
“Is everything okay?” a familiar voice says.
Bubs whirls around, raising his gun.
“Whoa, whoa whoa!” you cry. “It’s my neighbor!”
Your neighbor Bill Sherwin cautiously moves into the light. He wears a bathrobe that leaves little to the imagination.
Bubs looks at Bill sideways. “Sir, could you please close your robe? Your junk is showing.”
“Oh, sorry,” Bill says.
Bubs turns to you. “So, you’re going to need to come down with me and Crazy Lady to the station so I can file a report.