Splotchy’s Synonyms, Vol 3

Previous entries:
Vol 1
Vol 2

1. matriculate
Definition: to enroll in a college or university as a candidate for a degree
Why I Won’t Use It: It sounds like you’re giving birth.
What I’ll Use Instead: “I am going to that one college.”

2. foppish
Definition: resembling or befitting a fop; excessively refined and fastidious in taste and manner
Why I Won’t Use It: I so rarely run into fops these days.
What I’ll Use Instead: “Dorky”

3. frisson
Definition: a sudden, passing sensation of excitement; a shudder of emotion; thrill
Why I Won’t Use It: I can’t stop thinking it has something to do with frying chicken.
What I’ll Use Instead: “A yeehaw moment.”

4. splendiferous
Definition: splendid; magnificent; fine.
Why I Won’t Use It: I think to say this I would have to be gesturing widely while holding a fairy wand that shot sparkles (I don’t own a sparkle-shooting fairy wand).
What I’ll Use Instead: “Really cool”

5. literati
Definition: persons of scholarly or literary attainments; intellectuals.
Why I Won’t Use It: I might be mistaken for a person of scholarly or literary attainment.
What I’ll Use Instead: “Smartypants”

6. moribund
Definition: in a dying state; near death.
Why I Won’t Use It: I just don’t like the way this word sounds.
What I’ll Use Instead: “Almost dead”

7. treacly
Definition: contrived or unrestrained sentimentality
Why I Won’t Use It: I don’t know. You tell me.
What I’ll Use Instead: “Sappy”

8. quotidian
Definition: daily: usual or customary; everyday: ordinary
Why I Won’t Use It: Quotidian sounds like the name of a shitty prog rock band.
What I’ll Use Instead: Any of the quotidian words in the above definition.

9. berm
Definition: the bank of a canal or the shoulder of a road.
Why I Won’t Use It: I LOVE this word. I LOVE IT. I just never talk about berms is all.
What I’ll Use Instead: n/a

10. cacophonous
Definition: having a harsh or discordant sound
Why I Won’t Use It: The word cacophonous shouldn’t be pretty-sounding. It should sound harsh!
What I’ll Use Instead: “Fucking loud”

3 thoughts on “Splotchy’s Synonyms, Vol 3”

  1. I am afraid I think splendiferous a really cool word, though it does bring iron-rich Splenda to mind. I just saw an advertisement for Splenda with Fiber, so I’m pretty sure that’s going to be their next product.

    I guess moribund means “fecund with death.” Pleasant.

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