Category Archives: beast of berwyn

I’m Not Exactly Sure How This Is Going To Work, But…

Well, I think I’m going to have quite a bit of fun with my Beast Of Berwyn choose your own adventure story.

I’ll be gradually fleshing out the story as people make different choices via the comments fields.

One thing that I’m intentionally doing is burying all new posts tied to this story in my archives, so they won’t be showing up as new posts, and become distracting to people who aren’t following the story, and I won’t give away plot points to people who are, etc.

The problem is, I’m not sure the mechanism I should use to alert people that the story has had some more parts added to it. I guess I’ll just see what works as time progresses.

Either way, I’m adding a permanent link on the right side of the blog, to go with my Character Actor Adoptions and Two Buck Schmuck links.

The Beast Of Berwyn: A Choose Your Own Blogging-Oriented Adventure

Hi, with this post (and without much prior thought), I so start a choose your own adventure story, The Beast Of Berwyn.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance between the characters herein and real persons living or otherwise is mostly coincidental.

So begins,

THE BEAST OF BERWYN

You, celebrated blogger Arny Crankowicz, sit in your well-furnished library, composing a post describing the efficacy of squirrel saliva in combatting paralysis in your celebrated blog, “No Blarney Arny”.

Suddenly, a woman’s shriek pierces the night, followed by three gunshots.

Do you…


1) Investigate the noises outside

2) Call the police

3) Finish your squirrel post

The Beast Of Berwyn, Page 3

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

You cross your arms and legs, trying your best not to disturb Enos, the alligator.

Enos spots the bag of nuts under your thigh. He gently nuzzles you.

He nibbles at you playfully.

The nibbling turns into biting.

Your left leg is now gone.

As you lose consciousness, you hear Bubs moan, “Aw, EEEEEeeeeenos. Come on!”

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

The Beast Of Berwyn, Page 4

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

“Bill, I can’t talk right now. I’ll come over later.”

“Okay, Arny.” Bill walks away.

You dash to the phone.

“Hello? Police? I have a dead body at my house. Thank you. Buh-bye.”

Minutes later an unmarked police car arrives.

A large, burly man dressed as a mime steps out.

“Sir, my name is Sergeant Andy. Please come with me to the station.”

You slide into the back seat, suddenly realizing you are sitting, once more, face-to-face with another alligator.

“Say hi to Enos,” Andy says.

“I know Enos. Enos is dead. I watched him die.”

“Hey, that quote is from Batman Begins!” Andy shouts. The alligator, startled, latches onto your head and rips it off in a jerking motion.

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

The Beast Of Berwyn, Page 5

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

“Bill, I have a situation.”

“What is it? Holy carp! Dead clown! Dead cop clown!”

“What should we do? I don’t want to go to jail!” you cry.

“Calm down, Arny. Let’s think about our options.”

Several moments of silence pass.

“Arny, first things first. Let’s hide the body. Then we can think straight.”

“Where? In the basement?”

“No, not the basement. That’s the first place they look. Believe me.”

Bill taps his lips with his finger. His bathrobe is still unsettlingly open. “Let’s stuff the clown in the oven!” he exclaims.

“Before we do anything, I have to check my blog,” you say. “It’s been almost a day since I’ve been on.”

You rush to your study. Your laptop has been rendered inoperable by a bullet hole.

Do you…

1) Ask Bill to hide the body while you get your spare laptop from the basement
2) Ask Bill to get your spare laptop while you hide the body

The Beast Of Berwyn, Page 9

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

You turn the laptop over in your hand.

“Hmmm,” you say to yourself. “Doesn’t look like the hard drive is damaged.”

BANG!

You feel a jolt as a bullet shatters your spine. You fall to the ground.

As your life winks out, you comfort yourself with the knowledge that at least it was you, not your laptop, that took a fatal hit.

THE END

There are many paths to adventure in this story. Try again and you may have more luck next time!

The Beast Of Berwyn, Page 11

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

You dash to the kitchen and dial the local law enforcement.

“I’d like to report a shooting,” you say.

“Yes, we know,” says the voice on the other line. “Officer is en route. [CLICK]”

More screams and gunfire erupt outside. The sound of glass breaking somewhere in the house. Red and blue flashing lights suddenly flood your kitchen.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

A few quiet moments pass.

There is a loud knocking at your front door. You cautiously make your way there and look out the peephole.

A sinister-looking clown in a patrolman’s uniform stands at your door, seemingly looking through the peephole straight into your eyes.

“Officer Bubs,” the clown announces. “Somebody call the poh-leeeeeece?”

Do you…

1) Open the door
2) Call the police again
3) Hide in the basement

The Beast Of Berwyn, Page 12

the continuing saga of …
THE BEAST OF BERWYN

“Bill, you get my laptop. It’s downstairs under my framed Nagel print. I’ll hide the clown.”

“Okay!” Bill rushes downstairs.

As you put your back into pushing the crumpled remains of Officer Bozo into your spacious European oven, you stop for a second. Is this what famed blogger Arny Crankowicz has come to? How can he blog about this experience in good conscience?

You reach for the phone and dial. “Officer Bubs, please.”

“One moment.”

A few seconds of dead phone silence pass.

“Bubs here.”

“Officer Bubs, it’s Mr.